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Valentine’s Day – Love and Food

Sarmalove

I’ve not posted in months.  For anyone who gives a crap, SORRY!  If I could do what I want to do, I’d have more time to do exactly this, because it’s fun, among other reasons.  I have pages and pages of blog postage that I spit out over the last few months and then just never seemed to find time to pull together and now it feels very outdated.  Not to mention, I just get embarrassed and feel like… really?  does anyone really give a shit about what I ate for breakfast?  Really? But maybe I’ll tidy it up, pull it together and throw it out there, why not. Someone encourage me please and I’ll do it.

Here's something I wrote on Valentine's day:

Valentine’s Day!!  It can be kind of like New Year’s Eve… too much expectation which leads only to disappointment.  Here’s what I’ve learned: don’t expect anything.  Then you’ll never be disappointed.  Rely on yourself.  Love yourself.  And everyone else, but really, if you don’t treat yourself well, why should anyone else?  Anyone who knows me and is reading this will be shouting things about pots and kettles calling each other black, whatever that saying is… because I’m told constantly I need to take better care of myself - but who takes their own advice anyway? 

This whole sappy ‘loving yourself’ bit ought to tie in nicely with the whole raw food/lifestyle theme - of eating well and all of that, but that feels obvious to me.  Or am I just used to it?  But it really should be obvious, no?  Eat really good organic fresh food – anything else in excess is just slow self destruction.  That’s bolder than what I usually say, but really, it’s true.  Green juice and salads are my comfort food.

My last post was all about how shitty and fat I was feeling… in a very time and energy wasting, silly female kind of way.  I’m just being honest.  Some days I’ve felt great, other days, I’ve been a bit less than secure, almost feeling like I don’t deserve anything because, really, if you don’t look good why should anyone love you?  OH dear.  Did I just let that out??  Anyway, seems that some of us learn, through all sorts of subtle means, personal experiences and other feedback, that it’s all about how you look.   Well, not really.  No really.  Really?  What it really is, is confusing as hell.  Rationally you know it’s not the case, but then those feelings seep in, lured into our consciousness by the things we read, see, perceive around us.  But what I’ve been figuring out is that there is quite a bit of power in what you feel inside and project outward.  I think.  Or at least that’s what I tell myself.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop obsessing about wanting to drop additional poundage.  But what so happens is that the less I obsess about it, the more that weight seem to just naturally dissolve.  Easier said than done.  More on this some time later.  OH yes, and being in love helps too (trying to stick with the theme here).  Being loved back by the person you love can fill you up so you’re not hungry.  That and it’s distracting in the best possible way - and of course, some people eat excessively either out of boredom, procrastination or specifically to distract themselves from something that is more difficult to face.  I’ve done the latter two a lot, but I think I’ve learned from it, finally.  And these days, I’ll just say I’m distracted in the best possible way, and so happy for it. 

This holiday of sorts can suck hard if you’re without a clearly designated Valentine - but only if you let it.  It’s pretty great if you can be happy with your self enough to also be happily single.  Still, hard to do if you sometimes feel all sorts of insecurity.  Or if you’ve been burned.  Or if you’ve been burned in a way that’s made you so cynical about love that you put your heart away in a lockbox.  Can anyone say that word anymore without thinking of Al Gore, or is it just me?  OK back to what I was saying.  Hard to be a cheerful soul on this lovey-dovey holiday if you’re so angry and hardened and don’t trust anyone.  It’s hard to look back at having been in love when you realized it wasn’t really forever like you thought it was, and you ended up in pain over it.  Life isn’t easy, nor should it be, because really, then it would be totally boring and what could be worse than a boring life?  Which is why people should embrace pain… sounds a bit twisted but pain is living, and living is good.  I’ve noticed that if you accept pain and allow it to fill you up, the easier it dissipates.  Who am I to say this, and where is this coming from??  I should be writing about peace, love and raw food, not pain!

So back to love:  When you’re in love, make sure you love that person for who they are, not what they do for you, or what you want them to be, or do, or how you want them to make you feel.  Love without expectations.  Love without worrying so much about the future.  It feels really good that way.  And love all the people around you out of compassion.  Love people who don’t know better.  Love even people who are not nice to others, because those people are probably in pain.  Find a way to fill yourself up and feel secure enough to open your heart.  That’s when the good stuff happens.  Love makes the world revolve.  Put it out there and it comes back to you.  And it feels nice.  Happy Valentine’s Day.  Eat well. 

Sarma

Comments

Melissa

So glad to hear from you! Yes, we do care what you eat for breakfast (and lunch, and dinner and snacks) because many of us, also insecure females, idolize you and what to do whatever it is to look as fabulous as you do! RFRW is a great help in obtaining "the glow," but this blog with your step by step advice is even better. Can't wait for book number 2. Haha.

Anyways, it is hard to imagine you could ever be insecure, but if you need a lift, just listen to Howard Stern and his crew obsess over your gorgeousness over and over. I think you are amazing, talented, beautiful and a great writer!
Thanks for inspiring me so much.

Amy

Oh chicklet, we do care about what you had for breakfast, but more than just that. In RFRW you brought us into your journey, and the blog keeps us in it. Besides, look at your post. You didn't tell us what you had for breakfast, you shared some really profound (stop laughing) pain with us. So, where are you taking us next?

adele

SO glad to read an update!

Nicole

It's great to hear from you, Sarma. Enough of the idolization, but it IS great to hear about someone else on the same path, enjoying some steps and feeling shitty about others. Keep writing!

Marc

Sarma,
Spend five minutes a day and post about the food you are eating, have eaten, and how it affects you.
Make your posts shorter, and try to avoid overly emotional tangents..... it gets confusing and boring to read.
Bottom line... tighten it up and stick to the topic. That's what people come here for.
Capitalize on the fact that you are an expert in a progressive and small niche. Good luck. I'll keep reading.

Marc

Maria

Sarma:

Really enjoy your blog - please keep writing on a more frequent basis. Realize you are busy, but please try because you are a great inspiration and seem really down to earth as well. Also, purchased some products from your oneluckyduck.com site and absolutely love them. Can't wait to hear from you again via blogging.

Regards and continued success to you.

Maria

jenn

Sarma, just wanted to say thanks for posting with such candor. With the weight issues...i've been there, and it's always helpful to hear about what somebody else is experiencing and how they are dealing with it. Don't feel bad about yourself! It's just biology. I'd be very interested to hear about how your cleansing/weight loss is going! (i'm in the process of trying to shed some winter poundage as well.) xxoo
ps- love your restaurant!!

Ash

Hi Sarma - I really look forward to your posts, so please keep them coming! It's hard sometimes to 'stay the course' with being raw, so hearing about others' experiences, even simple, mundane, everyday food choices is really helpful.. keep us posted!!

Pepper

um? Will be honest and say that I don't care what you had for every other breakfast...sounds like something a stalker would do, a raw novice or someone with too much time on their hands.

Anyway, I hear ya on the loving and taking care of yourself. It's something people learn as they get older and when they decide that they are in fact the most important person in their world. Sadly, Some people never do. I think you are in the right direction because you're asking the right questions and learning from yourself. Be the first in your life. I know...I know...sounds egotistic but it's the best way to say thank you to your life. Take good care of yourself so that you can offer the best you to the ones you care about, even to good strangers that may enter your life time to time. With all that sugary goofy tooth decaying talk, I have to admit that it's okay and your right to have a day off on being your best. Some days I have all the flow and confidence in the world. I'm the Queen of the world. I'm attractive, all that and a bag of chips. Other days I feel like shit,lonely, antisocial, a toad or don't feel as strong as I wish I should be. But hey! That's life! As long as we get to know ourselves better, be the person we want to be, learn and have the courage to be happy as much as possible I think we'll all be okay.

penni

I heart Sarma!

Neroli

Interesting post in comparison with what you blogged on New York Mag's Grub Street: you eating lamb meatballs, slow roasted duck and venison carpaccio (and enjoying it!)? oh dear, perhaps all this meat intake had an effect on your heart! eat more raw and tell us about how much better you felt (or not). I for one appreciate your honesty, as I'm not 100% raw either.

sophia

As mentioned above by Neroli, here's Sarma's other blog (yikes!!!)

http://nymag.com/daily/food/2007/02/raw_foodist_salma_mengianis_ea.html

Andrea

Sarma,

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is what's inside that counts (Okay I got that from Rita Rogers, LOVE her work) - though creating a beautiful environment is a wonderful, noble & true gift to all (well that's what I think anyway), but still give u self a break. P.s. I love shawn williams technique, u can check him on google. X

Melissa Joy

Sarma,
Yes I agree with everyone...WE CARE! And really hun don't look on the outside so much. Though I know that as women we think about that a lot. And girl when I see you I think...dang I wish I looked that good. So I know you probably hear it often, but every girl likes to hear it again. You are gorgeous. One of the most beautiful women I can think of. And I think that your lifestyle is an inspiration to many...you stand out in a crowd of tired looking dead food eaters, and we have a lot to learn from your good habits. Breakfast included. :) Keep writing...through good and bad. Smile and be annoyingly optimistic!

Schelle

You remind me too much of myself. When I was young, I refused to believe how beautiful I was and constantly craved approval and re-approval without realizing I was doing it! At 45 I say "what a waste!" In any case, what I know for sure is that we all have to work through our own issues. Actually, I don't think we ever work through them; I think we just get older and realize it's a waste of time trying to! Now I watch my outside beauty fade and realize it never mattered anyway. Beauty may have attracted some things into my life, but my spirit and character kept them there. As Susan Sarandon has said, and I paraphrase greatly, 'fighting the beauty battle is a losing proposition. Fight for what you can really continue to improve - your SELF.' What I love about you, Sarma, is how real you are and how much you will share so we can all learn and grow with you. I believe raw vegan is the daily road to health, but must admit that none of the raw cocktails in your book compete with my organic vodka martini - just vodka and ice. How raw vegan is that? I love knowing that other people are raw foodists, but also realists. In this world I think we should partake of our favorite luxuries from time to time, in moderation. On mother's day, I still want to share Krispie Kreme donuts with my kids (even though I'm pretty green afterwards!) Once a year, it's the way to go! And one last thing, don't pay attention to the guy giving you writing lessons on blogs. Those of us who really care about what you have to say don't mind the stream of consciousness. It's your blog, do what you want with it! You go girl!

Jeanette Krull

Your honesty and candor is wonderful. Thank you. For women in particular, this is a huge issue that can run deep and infiltrate many areas in our life. So, thank you for approaching it head on. That’s the only way through. Now, that said, I don’t want to over analyze or get stuck with it. It’s easy to do, I know! I find that with eating raw food, having a spiritual practice and letting go of the thought patterns that speak negatively, every day is a building block to wholeness. We all know some part of this issue personally… we can ultimately let go of the junk and bring in the light!

c.

this was something i really needed to hear, especially the last part. right on, exactly, to everything i've been feeling lately. it doesn't matter if you are talking about this kind of thing or what you ate for breakfast - you're still an inspiration.

compassion

hip, yes u r!! :D
but maybe trying the freedom side of hippy will help............kick off those heals, wipe off the mask, snarl the hair, and play in the dirt.......trust me all pain will fade......repeat as nessesary...


somasakti

Mark is on crack. It's your blog, write about whatever the heck you want to write about :) if it comes from your mind I love to hear it.

ambiguous

Please disregard Marc; he is totally off-base. I love your musings and love reading your writing. I think the hype surrounding the raw food diet puts us under even more pressure to be skinny and beautiful--but that's the same sort of hype coming from all those greedy advertisers and men who want us to feel bad about ourselves so we keep buying stuff and not taking over the world. It's so hard, but remember if you think poorly of yourself, you're playing into the hands of the mainstream commercial machine. Trying to get over it myself.

Oops! how preachy of me. Getting off soapbox now. Going to go do stuff. Please keep writing.

Patricia Biesen

I really love your candor and I think it's quite refreshing. I too suffer from what a friend of mine calls "bitch in the mirror" syndrome and she is oh so never satisfied. I too am curious about what you eat and what works for you. Keep the blogs and the funny a comin'!

FemmeRaw

Your post is exactly what I needed to read tonight. I feel the way you describe more often than not...and I am a fellow (organic)health-nut! Insecurity takes hold in a way that feels supremely isolating. Argh. Thank you for being so open and "raw."

BenB

Sarma, Ever feel like no matter how much people tell you you're great, how healthy you eat, how raw you keep it, how much you work out, how great relationships are going in your life, how satisfying that desert was, or any meal for that matter......that you still feel like something isn't quite right, quite whole, or you don't feel as connected as you'd like to? Nope, this isn't some cheesy self help advertisement, and I promise not to blow nice warm fuzzy smoke up your arse like everyone else. Eating clean makes it easier.......but if you're not sure what exactly "It" is then you'll just feel like drifting along, and not in the romantic taoist way, but the ghostly drowsy I need to wake the hell up sort of way. Oh yeah, you're not fat. And valentines day is for suckers anyway.

Like everyone else said-love the honesty and candor.

Please write a new cookbook!

-a recipe every now and again would be nice too :)

Kristen Taylor

So sorry to hear you are in a rut but very glad to know that someone else feels run into the ground while offering a healthy raw foods spot to their community. I just opened our raw foods bar and I've never been so out of it!


Always good to hear some words of RAW truth! Take care of yourself!

By the way... our little town loves your snacks! Just got them on our shelves today! Take care of yourself!

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