This is an extended, unedited version of an article I originally wrote in July for Get Fresh magazine… U.K.’s glossy raw food mag. You can get current and back copies of the mag at oneluckyduck.com. Dhru has been a contributor in the past too!
Thanksgiving was beautiful at Pure Food and Wine… and WLIR’s own Philip was there too. Now we’re full on immersed in the holiday season, so I thought it’s not a bad time to put up this post about fasting, eating and all the issues in between. Happy Holidays, and may everyone take really good care of themselves.
Some people call themselves experts or even gurus (yes, I have heard someone introduce themselves as a “guru”) on nutrition, raw foods, weight loss, or enlightenment, or all of those. They write and/or speak publicly about conclusions they’ve arrived at through years of experience and diligent research. I, on the other hand, don’t claim to have conclusively figured it all out, nor do I have time for hours of detailed investigation. I just try things for myself and write about it while I’m sorting it all out—like a guinea pig with a notepad, jotting down reports on the experiment phases, tossing out random hypotheses.
The latest trial? I finally did a juice fast. Yes… a juice fast, juice feast, juice fiesta, call it whatever you want. The point is, just juice. I’ve spent more than five years living on mostly raw foods and immersed in the world of raw foods, and I’d never done a juice fast. What kind of raw foodist am I? I have always felt like I should do a juice fast, especially reading about everyone else’s adventures with the 90-day juice “feast”. But doing something just because you feel like you should feels all wrong and not very motivating. The point was that I just didn’t want to do it. That is, until recently.
Late one Sunday night I was sitting on my couch reading a recent issue of Get Fresh and trying to think of what to write for my next installment. I came across an article titled “Detox in Devon.” With photos of lovely looking stone cottages in the sunny and green English countryside, the piece described a week-long cleansing juice fast getaway. It included mention of the retreat’s heated indoor pool, pine sauna, and on-staff masseurs. It also reported that guests experienced an average weight loss of ten pounds along with the clearing of emotional blockages, and that they “tend to sleep more than they’ve ever slept in their lives.”
As soon as I read this, I started to cry. I had some pounds to lose, blockages to clear up, and most of all, a serious rest and relaxation deficiency to repair! I wanted to go there, now. I immediately went to the website and sent them an email. Then I looked up flights to England. Ouch. The expense of flying overseas, plus the fact that their next availability was not for a couple of months, made me designate this as Plan B, and I turned to figuring out a Plan A.
After only a few minutes of searching online, I found a place that sounded comparable. It was called Gentle Earth Retreats and was in Ithaca, New York, only a four hour drive from Manhattan. There was a seven day program starting in just over a week. Perfect! According to the photos online, it looked like a sweet and comfortable place and was run by a pretty woman named Katherine. It was 2 o’clock in the morning, but I wanted to call the number listed and wake her up to check on availability. I wanted a spot now. What if someone else called before me? I settled for email, writing a note laced with enough personal details meant to elicit some degree of sympathy in case there was any discretion on her part in securing me a room.
When I woke up a few hours later, I had an email reply from Katherine telling me that she had just one private room left and that I could have it. Hooray! Everything is right with the Universe. Thank you. I was thrilled, and immediately started making a list of all the things I was going to bring (pajamas, slippers, etc.).
As per my usual pre-travel style, I stayed up all night long before I was to leave on a 5:30 A.M. bus. I had a lot to prepare for. I imagined that I would be having loads of free time during which I could finally finish writing my book. It was more than nine months overdue and I was feeling pregnant with a book that I desperately wanted to give birth to, so I could feel lighter. I had to organize and haul with me all kinds of research notes, my entire 400-page printed manuscript draft, and more. I packed a lot.
Arriving at NYC’s Port Authority bus terminal at 5 o’clock in the morning, I quickly understood why everyone had been questioning my choice of transportation: “You’re taking… the bus??” I had actually never taken a bus in my life, and didn’t understand what the big deal was. I don’t recommend going to the NYC bus terminal at 5 o’clock in the morning. Especially if you’re a girl in a summer dress—made extra vulnerable by having far too many heavy bags strapped on, like an overloaded donkey.
About 1 month ago we asked WLIR readers if they had any questions for restaurant owner + chef + entrepreneur and guest blogger, Sarma Melngailis. Today, on her 36th birthday, we excited to bring you Sarma's answers.
But, before we do that, we'd like to take a moment to say: Happy Birthday Sarma! Thank you for everything you'd done for the raw food community. Your work is an inspiration and your friendship is always appreciated. Here's to changing the game!
Much Love from Anthony, Shannon, Philip and Dhrumil.
Ask Sarma
Andie asks: "What's your favorite/least favorite parts to your job? is it overall enjoyable or do you ever get really stressed out? plus, what's your favorite snack?"
Sarma: My favorite parts to my job? First, it feels weird to even call it a “job.” It’s just me, it’s what I do, it’s what I am, and I wouldn’t do anything else. But that’s exactly one of the best parts… having all the certainty imaginable about what I’m doing. Another favorite part is getting to work with ridiculously lovely talented people. And I love meeting new people at the restaurant and making people happy. I love when new dishes, desserts, ice creams or cookies are developed at the restaurant. I love finding really cool new products to add to the oneluckyduck site. Except… right now we have a huge backlog of things I want to add to our inventory and we can’t yet add them. So, this brings me to a less favorite part of what I do. It would have to be that I still feel that my hands are somewhat tied. This will change soon, but for now it’s challenging. I want to do so many things and not being able to do them can feel frustrating, but I’m working on that! I would love more space and resources. Sometimes I wish I could forget about it all for a while. That part is hard. Building a big business is maybe a little bit like having kids. You can’t put them back, or walk away from them. And you wouldn’t ever want to, because it’s so great and you love them (it) with all your heart and they are a part of you. But, still… sometimes my soul longs to do something mindless and without weight and responsibility. My work and home are combined into one, so there isn’t much separation, which is okay. But I really do want to take a true vacation one of these days. No laptop, no blackberry. Some of my favorite parts of what I do are also the hardest parts. Being in charge is great. But sometimes I don’t want it all to come back to me, and I wish I could just defer to someone else and go take a nap instead. Sometimes I actually do this. I have good support all around me—that’s really nice too. People I love and trust who know the overall vision, so if I need to take a mental break and run off, I can in fact sometimes do that. I should do that. Hmmmm.
I do get very stressed out sometimes and that’s also not easy. I love to focus on building things and creating things rather than just sorting out problems or responding to everything that appears before me all day long, which is a lot. I would like to delegate more. A lot comes back to resources… more resources would be amazing. Overall, I love knowing that I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing and there is nothing else for me… that’s a good feeling. Not to mention, every day I think how lucky I am not to have to squeeze into a suit every day and then squeeze into a subway car like a sardine, and then be confined in an artificially ventilated cubicle or office all day and have to do what someone else tells me to do. Sometimes working from your pajamas is really nice. And being able to work in the garden at Pure Food and Wine is insanely nice.
My favorite snack? Right now I’ve been noshing on frozen green juice. I take the bottled “Jolly Greens” juice from our juice bar, add a few extra drops of stevia, and pour it into ice cube trays. So good. And our new coconut chewy fruit bars. Yum. Those will be up on the oneluckyduck.com site soon.
Debbiedoesraw asks: "Hi Sarma. I loved your first book but are you going to write one solo? Please say yes!"
Sarma: YES!!! It’s all written and done, with the publisher. It was hard. I only submitted the final manuscript a full year past the original deadline. Oh well. I’m excited though! It’ll be great… the food photos are so beautiful.
Lee asks: "Are you really raw or are you just pretending for the money?"
Sarma: For the money? I’m still waiting on that part! I left behind a money career long ago so it’s not about that. But that part will be good, looking forward to it. I’ve never claimed to be 100% raw. I’m VERY raw. I’m probably almost all raw, almost every day. Mostly raw, most of the time? Whatever it is, it works for me!
Deborah asks: "Sarma, Deborah here. The good folks at your restaurant tell me that you are working on a new book. You are such a genius, we'd love to know when the next addition will be available. Thanks! (And how's the toe?? Your own pee, really?)"
Sarma: New book will be out in 2009. It takes a LONG time to print, apparently. Toe is great! Thanks for asking. The one that I broke still hurts but now at least I can walk fast again. The other toe that was stung by a bee… well, that one’s fine too. I’m sure because I soaked it in pee. Most people know said that if you get stung by a jelly fish, you want someone to pee on you really quick. So, follows it would be good for a bee sting too. Right? Plus, it’s nice and warm.
Miin asks: "How does one go about applying for a job at purefoodandwine? my best friend is moving to nyc and has a lot of service experience from Australia.. he would love to work in a raw food, loving environment."
Sarma: One must audition, much like one does for American Idol. We sit on a panel and harshly judge your talents. Not really. Your friend should just send a resume and letter… to my attention is fine, I can pass it along to the appropriate manager. Through regular snail mail, or you can always find my email through Dhrumil or the restaurant. And we are for sure a loving environment. I should mention that one time someone dropped a resume for me with a box of raw chocolates, along with a lovely letter. In the end, she was offered a job. Chocolate helps.
Mueller asks: "What are your current favorite dishes on your menu? What would be an average days food intake for you? Do you workout at all and if so what's your routine? What hobbies or activities do you enjoy partaking in or around NYC? What's the name of your EFT woman? P.S.How the heck do you make your ice cream so good? It should be criminal."
Sarma: Right now there’s a new okra dish on special. It’s like fried okra, but of course, not fried. If anyone remembers the ‘fried calamari’ we had years ago, it’s similar, but much more flavorful. Also, I am in love with the squash blossoms, those won’t be around too much longer. The cheesecake with figs and buckwheat honey ice cream is lovely. OH, how could I almost forget! We have new chocolate chip cookies in the juice bar, YUM and oreo ice cream by the pint, and the true geniuses are in the kitchen.
My average day food intake is hard to imagine… I don’t have much of an average. So far today, I had about a quart of green juice and I ate half of an S&M salad that I had left over in my fridge from yesterday. Yesterday I had a lot of green juice, and then the first half of that salad. Then I had a business meeting at the restaurant, so I ate small bites of a lot of different food off the menu. And I drank a few white light tinis.
I do work out, or at least I try. I used to go to a trainer, then I stopped when I was pushing to finish the book. I’ll start going back. His name is Lamont, at New York Sports Club. He’s the coolest. In the meantime, I work out in weird ways trying to fit little things in here and there. I have a rebounder at home (a mini trampoline). And yes, we sell them on oneluckyduck.com. I love my rebounder. It’s in the middle of my apartment. Sometimes I check out what’s on TV or put on good music and propel myself up and down and hope my assistant doesn’t walk in and see me. But it always helps my mood and it’s pretty serious fun, and really good for you. Since I broke my toe a few weeks ago, so I haven’t been able to walk around much in the city. I love long iPod walks. So now I’m getting back to doing that finally, without the limp. If I have a meeting in midtown, I’ll try to walk up and walk back. Or just go out and walk. I like walking by new restaurants that have opened up to check out their menus and peek inside. Then I know if I want to go back to try it sometime. I don’t go out much, but I do love restaurants and yes, not raw. It doesn’t happen too much. I don’t really have any hobbies. If I can find time, it’s good to spend it with people I love. And my EFT lady can be found at roadtoemotionalfreedom.com. She’s cool. I’m going to see her this afternoon! And glad you like the ice cream. We infuse it with secret good energy.
Andthroughcreation asks: "How long did it take you to open up Pure, taking into consideration floor plans, menus, business loans and such?"
Sarma: It took a full year.
Ben asks: "Since raw restaurants are becoming easy to find in major US cities, what do you think is the next big thing that's coming with raw food?"
Sarma: I think raw food will continue to be more and more available, and that’s a pretty big thing.
3amchef asks: "I am a professionally trained chef and yoga teacher. Any suggestions on how to start a private raw chef for catering & parties? Any suggestions about how to create a successful raw blog? Any suggestions for starting a healthy raw business? (food, products, spa, consultations etc..) How do you come up with ideas for a cookbook? As a new author how do you go about getting published? Thank you for any ideas."
Sarma: That’s a loaded question! I’m never sure how to answer these questions. It’s kind of like asking how to find a husband, or buy a house, or get pregnant. Um. Well. There’s a lot to it, or it can be very simple. I’m going to have to pass on this one… too much of it depends on your individual circumstances, where you live, who you know, what resources you have or don’t have. Just follow your heart. Look for the clues that come your way, talk to people around you. I can’t answer this question without knowing any specifics. Wish I could help more!!
Nimisha asks: "What do you visualize 5 years from now for your self as well as the raw movement? Any plans to open franchises in other cities? What are some of the cool things that your readers don't know yet about you?"
Sarma: Pure Food and Wine opened four years ago, and it was five years ago that I first found raw food. It’s a much different “raw” world out there now than it was then, so it will keep getting more “raw” at an accelerated pace, and I plan to be a big part of that acceleration. Yes, we’ll do things in other cities.
What cool things do people not know about me? I pretty much put it all out there, and probably too much… so I’m not sure what else I could say, or if any of it is cool in the first place. I get very personal in the upcoming book. I’ve probably struggled a lot more with food issues than most people know. Though, that doesn’t really qualify as cool either. Also, I find people often assume I’m living some kind of high life of fabulousness, and I’m working on that, but it’s not like that at all. Though I do get to meet and know some pretty interesting people sometimes, which is cool overall, but not a good thing to talk about. I’m trying really hard to think of something cool and not coming up with anything yet. Hmmmm.
Below is something I wrote for Get Fresh magazine… the very cool raw food rag printed in the UK. You can buy copies, current and past issues, at oneluckyduck.com, and soon at some Whole Foods too. Sweet.
Eating a raw food diet is still considered alternative. On the fringe. People don’t understand it. What is so hard to understand? Food that naturally grows from the earth, fed by sunlight. No one disputes that fresh fruits and vegetables are full of good things, and that generally, people should be eating more of them. Everyone seems to know now that nuts are good, full of “good” fats. Flax, sesame, hemp and more… most would recognize that these are also good foods. Yet, if I went on a road trip across the U.S., I know that there would be long stretches of driving where I would be hard pressed to find places where I could conveniently find and purchase natural and clean food. I would likely encounter a lot of people who would find my eating preferences unusual and odd. But I wonder, if I eat a raw food diet, does that mean that so many others out there are on a processed food diet? Are there enthusiastic processed foodists? For these people, is there an inspiring magazine called “Get Processed”?
I used to drive out of New York City to Maine very often in the summertime. To get to a small waterfront town, we passed through Augusta, the capital of Maine. Turning off the highway, it was a short drive through the center of Augusta to get to the road which took us further east to the shore. On this very brief stretch is one fast food shop after another. Literally. And not just one of each. I would count three Dunkin Donuts.
Dunkin Donuts is America’s largest retailer of coffee by the cup, selling 1 billion cups per year, or 30 cups a second. They also sell, of course, donuts. I don’t know how many donuts they sell, but according to their website, if you lined them up end by end, you would circle the earth 5.8 times with donuts. If we knew the average length of a donut, we could extrapolate for the exact number, but the point is, they sell a lot of donuts. With 7,000 locations worldwide serving 3 million customers a day, they also must sell a massive volume of their other food products, such as muffins, cookies and bagels. Their list of “breakfast sandwiches” is a giant jumble of various combinations of the words egg, sausage, cheese, ham, bacon, croissant, bagel and biscuit. You can choose from a long list of “beverages” such as a 500 calorie Vanilla Coolatta with which to wash one of these down. Or you could have coffee - but if you don’t want plain old coffee, they have blueberry flavored coffee. Blueberry coffee? Does that actually appeal to anyone? Out of morbid curiosity, I want to go sample some.
This post is a bit more upbeat than the last - no curse words, cranky complaining, cynicism or sarcasm. Writing down your thoughts is, in itself, therapeutic. But when you post it on the web and lots of people read it and give you all kinds of thoughtful feedback, well, that’s free therapy. I’ve learned a lot. THANK YOU!!!
Since it’s impractical for me to drop everything right now and run off to an Ashram to find myself, I had to see how I might be able to conduct the search locally. How do I do this, in my “spare” time? What spare time? How do I find solitude in New York City for some good self-awareness? And when? This has been an ongoing exploration.
I’ve also kind of yearned for a return of that ‘honeymoon’ excitement that I felt when first going ‘raw’. Raw and I have been married (though we have a pretty open relationship) for over four years now. Isn’t four years the point at which marriages are said to go stale? If you make it beyond four years, you’re solid, but it’s also a pretty common time to break apart? Am I making this up?
Meanwhile, I’ve been noticing this pattern more and more whereby things happen such as the following: pick a book randomly off the shelf without thinking too much about it, open it to any page with genuine curiosity, gaze anywhere your eyes land on that page, and you might just find yourself reading something eerily relevant. Or maybe you’re not sure how it’s relevant, but it makes you think, inspires you to do something, or at least causes one of those “note to self” moments. Or maybe none of it’s clear at all, but you (knowingly or not) end up tucking something away from it nevertheless. I feel like this happens when you’re not looking for it, whatever it is. It just has a way of finding you. As long as you’re open. Or maybe this is always happening, but you have to be clear minded enough to notice it, and take it for what it is: guidance.
Warning:This post is really long, and gets really personal, with lots of curse words, and is all very self-serving. But kind of entertaining, hopefully?
I just finished reading a book – yes, I’ve been reading lately. It was by the British chef Marco Pierre
White, “Devil in the Kitchen – Sex, Pain, Madness and the Making of a Great
Chef”. It’s a good title… because who
doesn’t want to read about sex? From a
hot chef? And pain and madness? Well yes, that too. It’s inspiring to read about people who know
what they want and go through a lot to get it. But pain and madness? Is that
what it really takes to achieve greatness? Does everyone have to toil tirelessly, sacrifice health, get hurt, worn
down, and knocked down over and over, feel pain, and teeter on the edge of
madness? If so… I’m SO on the right track! YAY!
I’m being convinced, however, that maybe I can step away
from that edge and still get where I’m going, and probably much faster. After all, I’m supposed to represent the
brand – One Lucky Duck and Pure Food and Wine, we’re all about raw food and
feeling great. When I first went raw the contrast was
amazing. So much of the time I felt like
I could do anything – life was a dance party. As I pointed out in Raw Food Real
World, it can feel a bit like being on ecstasy – maybe not quite, but still
it’s amazing. It’s been four years now -
did I get used to it and/or is it stress and pressure that just put a damper on
it all? I want the dance party back!
Or I guess it was movie and then dinner… but with Farmer John – as in, John Peterson, the subject of the important documentary film “The Real Dirt on Farmer John”. It’s not just important, it’s also lovely, thoughtful, quirky, inspiring, and extremely honest. I attended a pre-opening screening of this movie, and then the following night sat for dinner in the corner of our garden with Farmer John himself, the movie director Taggart and the movie’s publicist Teri.
I haven’t posted a blog in ages, and this one is a bit out of the blue, but it just felt like the right thing to do to help put the word out. Anyone who knows me, the restaurant, the brand, and whatever I/we do, knows that I have no specific ‘raw’ food agenda. What everything ultimately boils down to however is thoughtfulness. In this case, thinking more about the origin of your food seems to be the point. However, it quickly becomes about much more than that, as anyone who in fact starts to think about the origin of their food knows. Onward you go to start thinking more and more about all the other things that we all use and consume as we plow through life. Like, why does everything have to come packaged in a “blister” pack? Does anyone like them? Are they not a colossal waste? And think of all the blood shed, as people turn with frustration to scissors or knives to pry them open. Why why why? Is everything really all about marketing…? Do I think too much?
It can quickly become overwhelming, and with so many distractions all around it becomes easy to avoid thinking. About what we do and say and how we spend our time, with who and why. And what for.
Some movies are pure escapism entertainment. But others make you think, and I suppose documentaries in particular. That’s the whole point. “The Real Dirt on Farmer John” is special on so many levels. John asked me how much time I’ve spent on farms. Um… zero? Still, I knew he would get me and what I’m doing. And I don’t mean just about our food at the restaurant - that’s the obvious connection and easy to talk about. We could talk about the meaning of organic, what it means to be biodynamic, the importance of eating naturally and less processed all around, and we did that. But the connection I felt watching the film was to someone who followed and continues to follow his heart.
I’ve not posted in months. For anyone who gives a crap, SORRY! If I could do what I want to do, I’d have more time to do exactly this, because it’s fun, among other reasons. I have pages and pages of blog postage that I spit out over the last few months and then just never seemed to find time to pull together and now it feels very outdated. Not to mention, I just get embarrassed and feel like… really? does anyone really give a shit about what I ate for breakfast? Really? But maybe I’ll tidy it up, pull it together and throw it out there, why not. Someone encourage me please and I’ll do it.
Here's something I wrote on Valentine's day:
Valentine’s Day!! It can be kind of like New Year’s Eve… too much expectation which leads only to disappointment. Here’s what I’ve learned: don’t expect anything. Then you’ll never be disappointed. Rely on yourself. Love yourself. And everyone else, but really, if you don’t treat yourself well, why should anyone else? Anyone who knows me and is reading this will be shouting things about pots and kettles calling each other black, whatever that saying is… because I’m told constantly I need to take better care of myself - but who takes their own advice anyway?
This whole sappy ‘loving yourself’ bit ought to tie in nicely with the whole raw food/lifestyle theme - of eating well and all of that, but that feels obvious to me. Or am I just used to it? But it really should be obvious, no? Eat really good organic fresh food – anything else in excess is just slow self destruction. That’s bolder than what I usually say, but really, it’s true. Green juice and salads are my comfort food.
My last post was all about how shitty and fat I was feeling… in a very time and energy wasting, silly female kind of way. I’m just being honest. Some days I’ve felt great, other days, I’ve been a bit less than secure, almost feeling like I don’t deserve anything because, really, if you don’t look good why should anyone love you? OH dear. Did I just let that out?? Anyway, seems that some of us learn, through all sorts of subtle means, personal experiences and other feedback, that it’s all about how you look. Well, not really. No really. Really? What it really is, is confusing as hell. Rationally you know it’s not the case, but then those feelings seep in, lured into our consciousness by the things we read, see, perceive around us. But what I’ve been figuring out is that there is quite a bit of power in what you feel inside and project outward. I think. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop obsessing about wanting to drop additional poundage. But what so happens is that the less I obsess about it, the more that weight seem to just naturally dissolve. Easier said than done. More on this some time later. OH yes, and being in love helps too (trying to stick with the theme here). Being loved back by the person you love can fill you up so you’re not hungry. That and it’s distracting in the best possible way - and of course, some people eat excessively either out of boredom, procrastination or specifically to distract themselves from something that is more difficult to face. I’ve done the latter two a lot, but I think I’ve learned from it, finally. And these days, I’ll just say I’m distracted in the best possible way, and so happy for it.
This holiday of sorts can suck hard if you’re without a clearly designated Valentine - but only if you let it. It’s pretty great if you can be happy with your self enough to also be happily single. Still, hard to do if you sometimes feel all sorts of insecurity. Or if you’ve been burned. Or if you’ve been burned in a way that’s made you so cynical about love that you put your heart away in a lockbox. Can anyone say that word anymore without thinking of Al Gore, or is it just me? OK back to what I was saying. Hard to be a cheerful soul on this lovey-dovey holiday if you’re so angry and hardened and don’t trust anyone. It’s hard to look back at having been in love when you realized it wasn’t really forever like you thought it was, and you ended up in pain over it. Life isn’t easy, nor should it be, because really, then it would be totally boring and what could be worse than a boring life? Which is why people should embrace pain… sounds a bit twisted but pain is living, and living is good. I’ve noticed that if you accept pain and allow it to fill you up, the easier it dissipates. Who am I to say this, and where is this coming from?? I should be writing about peace, love and raw food, not pain!
So back to love: When you’re in love, make sure you love that person for who they are, not what they do for you, or what you want them to be, or do, or how you want them to make you feel. Love without expectations. Love without worrying so much about the future. It feels really good that way. And love all the people around you out of compassion. Love people who don’t know better. Love even people who are not nice to others, because those people are probably in pain. Find a way to fill yourself up and feel secure enough to open your heart. That’s when the good stuff happens. Love makes the world revolve. Put it out there and it comes back to you. And it feels nice. Happy Valentine’s Day. Eat well.
It seems forever that every Friday I have been telling myself, “OK, this is the weekend that I’m going to catch up on sleep, finally clean up the colossal disaster that is my desk at the One Lucky Duck office, deal with ridiculously important and long neglected paperwork, finish outlining those business plans, complete the budgets to go with them; I will go to the gym, run those errands only I can run for myself, call my parents, finish painting my bathroom, return all the emails I’ve been ignoring, stop to smell the (organic) coffee… I will also conquer the world, and… yes, for sure before this weekend is over I’m finally going to spit out a long overdue blog for welikeitraw.com!”
The reality is that my desk still exists under a sea of chaos, my errands undone, parents neglected, budgets not completed, world not yet conquered (though I’m getting there), emails piling up like mad, and I’ve not seen the gym in months. However, here I am writing a blog post. I decided the only way I could do it would be to do it in a way that helps me too… sorry, I’m totally being selfish. I get so many e-mails telling me that our book has been a life-changing inspiration, which is a humbling honor, and here I am feeling like I’ve fallen off the very happy wagon around which my life now happily revolves. But now I could use some help (and that’s not something easy to admit).
It seems I’m not really taking care of myself as I bury my head in sand dunes of work. And the silly part is that so much of what I do essentially revolves around taking care of others, with my time and often with my advice, which I’m in effect dispensing but now not following. As a result, I’m feeling quite… crappy. Just last summer I was twenty pounds (yes, twenty!) lighter than I am today. I do admit… everyone at the time was telling me I was way too skinny - and as gratifying as I most often found those comments (in the most dysfunctional female sort of way, lapping up everyone’s concern as well as the envy of other equally vain and dysfunctional females), I did realize that I was in fact too thin (yes, it’s possible).
Here’s the thing… Nicole Richie, the Olsen twins… sexy? Not really. Scarlett Johanssen? YES!! And if you adjust for height, their weight difference is significant, which is something people like me need to keep reminding themselves. Yet why do I still feel the need shed pounds so that people will start calling me skinny again?
Despite the happy medium that I know exists, somewhere over this past winter and early summer I managed to ride the fat train way past the Happy Medium stop. So now I find myself in that zone where, even though I hide it reasonably well, I just don’t like the extra luggage I’m toting around. I could probably write pages and pages about all of this, particularly about all the emotional reasons why these things happen (why do we sometimes so deliberately sabotage ourselves??). The point is, that even while consuming (almost entirely) all raw foods, I’ve managed to find my way back to a place where I’m once again stressing about what I eat, even when it’s mostly raw, organic and good for me. ARGH!! What I really want is to be strong. I’d like to be able to feel like I can kick anyone’s ass. Run a marathon. Swim the English Channel. Leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Eating organic food, raw food, fresh food… it makes you feel so much better in your skin. But still… I’ve felt really good for so long that my standards have shifted, to where these days I just feel, as David Jubb would say, less than excellent.
As I practically live at Pure Food and Wine, I’m in an entirely food-oriented environment all day every day. We have the most delicious all-raw ice cream (in flavors like almond butter cup, chocolate brownie and more) sitting in pints in the freezer case. I hear them calling my name, I swear. These pints have voices that carry. So I guess it’s not so shocking I could pack on an extra layer of insulation. Though there has to be more, since at times I’ve eaten a pint of chocolate ice cream for breakfast day after day, and been lean like a string bean. What else? Too many business dinners out at lovely (not raw) restaurants where I am compelled (by culinary curiosity, of course) to try different foods. And more? Since everything at the restaurant is made fresh each morning, whatever is left at the end of dinner service ends up as the Midnight HungryStaff Buffet… so with stress and maybe a few too many sake-tinis, I often find my way to the trough with the rest of the staff to nosh, like a deprived little piglet, even though I’m not truly hungry at all. At least not in my stomach, which is exactly the issue: I’m much less hungry on raw foods, but that’s not the point when there seem to be other things going on in my head that make the distraction of eating appealing. Figuring out what those are would be helpful. But the biggest problem is exercise and I know this. I seem to tire myself out with work so that I feel too tired to exercise. There always seems to be something urgent needing attention, so while I might plan to work out for an hour before getting in the shower in the morning, it just doesn’t happen because I find myself racing to my office or the restaurant (where, did I mention, we have tons of yummy yum yum food everywhere?!).
The upside of all this is that I feel like at least it’s a learning process… and maybe baring all in writing could be helpful to someone else too. Here I am looking for something good about feeling like a stuffed kielbasa. I don’t know what is going on exactly… personal crisis? Pressure? Looking for love in the refrigerator? Contrary to what (I think) Juliano was once quoted as saying, we can’t all eat ALL the raw food we want, sit on a couch and “get ripped”. I’m proof. And before someone yells at me for calling myself “fat”, I am fully aware that I’m not FAT by most standards. I just don’t feel good right now. Not good, not strong, not hot, not sexy. At least not too much of the time. At least not like I did after I first went raw and for the next couple of years. And that’s how I want to feel again.
SO, tomorrow (or today, as I’m writing this at 4:30am, don’t ask!!) I’m going to start a ‘cleanse’ of sorts. Nothing dramatic or scary in the least, so if you’re hoping for more personal tales of a very graphic nature as those I previously shared, (which mortified my father when he read them), I’m not expecting to have any this time. But who knows what will happen, that’s the fun part. So… once this is posted, that’s it, I’m committed. Hopefully when I come out of the delirium that has set in from still being awake now at the buttcrack of dawn, I will not regret having sent this along to Dhru and now being on the hook to document my progress, or lack thereof. But as I often like to do, I’ll just dive into the deep end with no life raft and hope for the best.
Stay tuned… I’ll do my best to write about what’s working, what’s not, what I’m eating, what I’m not and when I’m cheating (if I do). And hopefully I’ll figure out a way to get myself inspired all over again. We’ll see. I want Sexy Back. I want to learn how to dance like Justin Timberlake too. Did I just write that? Oh dear…
I am always surprised by how many people have heard of, or even themselves done, the Master Cleanse (herein after referred to as the “MC”) … What is it? Developed by a Mr. Stanley Burroughs, a researcher of disease and “toxemia”, the MC entails drinking, all day long for at least ten days, water mixed with lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. This concoction is meant to allow a cleansing and rejuvenation of the system. It doesn’t taste bad… in fact it’s quite refreshing and pleasantly spicy. The bad part is that each morning, you’re supposed to also drink a glass of water with entirely gnarly amounts of salt in it. It would not be wise to consume this just before running out the door, as it apparently causes everything to be flushed out within 30 or so minutes. I tried to do the MC once myself. I have this potentially dangerous habit of wanting to try everything. As I write this (actually revise) I’m consuming a glass of water in which I added drops of a liquid that is supposed to remove all the heavy metals from my body. I also just noticed that I’m also at this moment listening to heavy metal… a potential conflict? Anyway. Maybe I’ll report more on the heavy metal experiment in an upcoming post.
My own MC experiment did not last long. My first (and only) salt-sludge water morning immediately made me want to hurl and I could not get it all down. I personally don’t like to force things on my body that seem very unnatural (here I go, contradicting myself all over place in this post and the last)… or particularly unpleasant. The lemonade drink part I could handle… again, it tastes good. Unfortunately, trying to do a fast of any kind in a restaurant like mine is not easy, and by the end of the night I was snacking on freshly cut pineapple from the juice bar. Oh well. I still don’t understand the name. MASTER cleanse. Anyway.
Some people swear by it. It has certainly received enough attention. A few people on the staff at our restaurant (who clearly have more discipline than me) last summer successfully completed the ten days. As we tend to have a very family-like atmosphere, some of us non-cleansers kept taking drinks from their special thermoses, quite liking this spicy sweet lemonade. What is the point of all this? There was a recent posting somewhere online about the MC – can’t remember where – that some of us were reading and found particularly funny. Anyway, I guess it was also a reminder of how much we liked that lemonade. A few nights ago, I was in our dungeon accounting office, sweating like a piglet, reconciling numbers like the nerd that I am, and my lovely and super-talented sous chef Rebecca comes over with a particularly pretty new ‘tini on a tray. We have a lot of cocktails on the menu at Pure Food and Wine. No hard liquor. They are all made with sake and/or sparkling wine and very seasonal. For example, in the fall, we get fragrant and freshly pressed concord grape juice from the greenmarket, add sake, pour it over ice, and call it Purple Haze. Having new cocktails unexpectedly brought over for me to taste is always a welcome surprise for me, particularly when I’m stressed out, which is more often than not.
So this drink Rebecca carried on the tray was a beautiful amber color, the martini glass rimmed with shiny amber crystals of date sugar. I asked her what it was and she said, “Try it first… then I’ll tell you.” So I did, and it was really good. Lemony-tart, sweet and with a spicy kick. WHY did it taste so familiar?? She said, “It’s a Master Cleanse-Tini!!!” Lemon juice, a touch of maple syrup, a pinch of cayenne, and of course… sake, shaken over ice and then strained into a martini glass. Brilliant. And so good. It’s a few days later now, we’ve added it to our cocktail menu, and I’ve just had three of them at the bar. This is Pure Food and Wine’s take on the MC. And probably as close as I’ll ever get to actually doing the MC again myself.
The Raw Honeymoon: the period right after we’ve “discovered” being raw, and all the exciting things that come with it, while we are so enamored with the raw gurus and all the raw-related weird activities that are supposed to scrub us clean from the inside out. I assume some people know what I am talking about. Or… is it just me?
Anyway. Here’s what happens, (and I can spot anyone in the raw honeymoon period, because I went through it myself): raw food… the concept, the way it makes you feel, the outright logic and glory of it all… it’s the newness factor. We are getting to know our new spouse, with whom we intend to live out the rest of our healthy, happy lives. It’s so thrilling… so new. We want to share it with everyone, in the very same way that when you fall in love, you want to run to the top of the empire state building and shout it out to everyone. You want to run and do cartwheels in the street, and hug random people and tell them how beautiful life is. REALLY, this is what very often happens with the love of raw food, and the new-found energy that comes with it.
Here’s what else happens… we worship the gurus of raw food. Not too unlike getting into a cult… we become believers and wide-eyed receptacle sponges of the raw wisdom being dispensed by the gurus we are worshiping. I still worship a few of them, though it’s all been tempered since with a healthy dose of rationality. Who am I talking about? David Wolfe… whose seminars, back in the day, I would leave poorer by $500, but with a bag of powders, pills, goji berries, and also a hearty injection of confidence and enthusiasm that is priceless… which goes a long way. Who else? David Jubb… LOVE him. Love him and the sweet vanilla flavored milk from brazil nuts that I first had from his store on 12th street which got me hooked. Drinking brazil nut milk, tasting raw crackers, buying big tubs of the best tropical smelling coconut butter… all the while gazing at alarmingly vivid photos of “passed” gall stones on the wall. Then being told that our own gall bladders are surely full of similar alien little greenish blobs and we really must do the thirty-day “gallstone flush”. Of course, I tried it. More on that another day.
It’s coming up on three years since I first “went raw”, as I did, in an overnight-with-no-transition sort of way. In the excitement of it all, I was very open to the ‘cleansing’ practices I kept reading about, yet too enthusiastically impatient to do my own research on or at all contemplate some of the much touted procedures and practices. Instead, being the good sport that I am, I just went ahead and did things. For example, plain old colonics not being interesting enough, at the recommendation of the colon therapist, I agreed to let her give me a fresh wheatgrass juice “implant”. I didn’t bother to take the time to understand what wheatgrass up your butt is supposed to do for you. But I figured, why NOT? In the end, I didn’t really notice anything different, except that for the rest of the week I walked around half expecting little dandelions to start sprouting from my ass.
Yes, what a good sport I am. Here’s another example: a certain well-known, very good looking, very lovely and quite brilliant guru amongst us has certain very unique talents. One is that he is known to be able to “read” people… like a book that tells you what is right or wrong on the inside. Being very intrigued myself, I felt honored that he did this for me, and after he gazed into my eyes, checked out my tongue, poked and prodded a bit, he diagnosed me with a “situation”. He kept his hand on my abdomen. His explanation sounded very compelling, though I had no idea what he was talking about, except that it was a female oriented issue. To fix this “situation” of mine, on which I could not get him to clearly elaborate, he gave me progesterone to take, as well as a few of these home made herbal little balls wrapped in saran wrap he pulled from the freezer. And I’m supposed to shove these icy little concoctions up my you-know-what. I was so transfixed by him, that I bought the stuff and did it, thinking that whatever my "situation" was, I'd be healed...
Then a couple days later I had a SERIOUS itching problem... I hobbled over to his store, trying my best to ignore the inferno down below. After explaining what was happening to me, the girl behind the counter was like, "OH MY GOD!! You mean he FORGOT to tell you that you're supposed to douche it out afterwards??" So I'd been walking around all this time with these gnarly herbs leaking out of me, making me itch like a madwoman. Lovely, right??
There you go… can you get more “real” than that? Rest assured, I’ve settled comfortably into this marriage with raw foods. Honeymoon over. I’m still all about fresh fruits and vegetables, but I now only put them in my mouth. And I still feel better than ever in this happy union that feels so right. And I still think life is beautiful.
And all the crazy things it makes us do...
